Quote Me

"Halloween is dumb."

by Michel Ngatuvai

I'm thinking this quote is going to go down in history.

One Salami two salami three salami more...

So, I have to put a disclaimer at the beginning of this. I don't go to the deli, the prepackaged crap is just fine with me, and it's possible that Jimmy prefers it. It's not just that it's fine, but I am an instant gratification kind of girl. (this explains the twinkies for dinner instead of roast, salad, and veggies) How do I gain weight, I just can't explain it???

So... back to me. I don't want to stand at the deli, when there is turkey on the next aisle that I don't have to wait for, or talk to anyone about. But... salami... YUM. So, I hear a rumor that salami is on sale at the local wal-mart. (I don't need any comments on wal-mart and it's evils, don't bother, you will lose this debate)


I run to the deli, and see that the salami is on sale 2.48 instead of 4.48. I can't see straight. A SALE. I am so related to my grandma. So, I tell the deli lady, after 5 minutes of standing there looking stupid while the deli lady pretends that she's busy, I need some salami...
"How much do you need?"
"ummm, 5 lbs?" (remember I don't go to the deli, and I don't really do the grocery shopping, how am I supposed to know how much 5 lbs is?)

The deli lady gives me the look... you know the one... "What- I have to do something?" look, and she says " I don't think we have that much"

"Okay, just give me everything you have."

Duh... is this that complicated?

So, she finds some in the cooler somewhere and is really proud of herself and starts slicing...

30 minutes later... she's still slicing... okay that should be it.

Do you have any idea what 5 lbs of salami looks like? It looks like a ward party, scratch that, it looks like a stake party. It is a Ton.

So, can salami be frozen?

Chapter One

Here is the whole reason I set up a blog... Devon came home with a story yesterday that had me laughing for two days. Devon was late for school... he had a migraine. So, I was asking him what classes he was missing. He starts in on his crazy talk about history. I'm sort of listening... because like any great mother, I can listen to Devon, talk to Jimmy, do the dishes, eat breakfast and play ball with Quincy. So, Devon starts talking about not liking History right now because they are talking about slavery, and every time the teacher says something bad about it everyone turns and looks at Devon. (p.s. Devon is the last person in the world who would be on a black power poster. If someone thinks he's polynesian, he's fine with it. If they think he's mexican he's great with it. He DOES NOT care.) So, he's in his next class and they have free time... so in biology if you have free time apparently you gather around Devon's desk. Here comes the funny part (finally) this girl says to Devon ...
"oh my gosh, History is so sad... You are so brave."

This is the point where I perk up and say to Devon - "what are you brave for?"

"I guess I'm brave because I was a slave?"
"What did you say to the crazy girl?"
"I said that I knew I was brave."

Is this the funniest thing you have ever heard? That's like me walking up to a Jewish person and telling him he's mean right after I get out of Sunday school. Oops never mind, people do that. Ummmm... at this point I don't have anything good. But, it's still a funny story. Maybe for chapter two I will have you count the number of dots in Chapter One. ....... ........ ....... ........