Friday, May 29, 2009

Ectomy Anyone?

What? My canvas's are being held hostage? Fine I'm coming up with a story. I'm all about blackmail. I have a couple of really good delivery stories (that explains the picture of the baby) (I don't have a picture of my VAGINA or I maybe would have put that up)(How funny is the word VAGINA?)

On with the story... So a week before I had the baby I was in the Dr's office and the nurse wanted to know what I'm going to be doing for birth control. To me this is getting a little ahead of yourself... geez I haven't even had the baby. Give me a few minutes people. Anyway, I said I planned on having an ectomy. Not the appen kind, I already had that one. I don't want the tonsil one either because Blarin couldn't talk for a week, that wouldn't go over well with me. I want the hyster one. Why not? After you're done having babies the uterus is just about as useless as the appendix except the appendix doesn't act up every month. So, I'm thinking I should rip out the old uterus and get a nice nip and tuck on the ol' bladder. Maybe get Dr. 90210 to do a vaginoplasty. While I'm on that... why would they show a vaginoplasty on T.V. the whole entire thing is blurred out. It's just bad T.V. And all those Dr.s on Dr. 90210 are a little creepy... what Dr. says "let me make that look better?" How bad can a china look that you need to have plastic surgery on it? Who came up with this?

Back to the story at hand. I'm going to get some ritalin and then what will my stories be? (besides readable, or understandable) So, the nurse says well you can't take out your uterus after you have the baby... ummmmmm... I certainly can't take it out before? Funny. Remember the post that I said if you have to tell someone you're funny, then you aren't? Disregard that.

I have another really really funny story. But, sadly now that I'm not pregnant I'm feeling generous and don't want to rip on people publicly. If you're bored call Blarin.. I'm sure she will tell you the story. These things only happen to me. Here's a teaser... it involves boobs. Boobs are always funny.


carin davis said...

Yay!!! A story! How many can I get out of you until your canvas arrives!!? That other story is a good one! I will share! Kari can tell it too!


p.s. I LOVE precious Vivie!!!!
p.s.s. U R funny and everybody knows it!!! :)

dede said...

how sweet is that baby! I am calling Carin for the boob story!

*J*E*N* said...

OK Michelle-Carin just linked your blog in her post, didn't know you had one but now Im entertained. You must must must update more-you make me laugh... really.. really hard.

Ashleigh said...

Great post...personally I hate the word "vagina" as well as most other "correct" terms for people's "private parts." It is for this reason that I make up or borrow other little funny terms for the case of vagina...I use hoo-ha, va jay jay, and my personal favorite...rooty tooty fresh and fruity...Glad i found your blog...